HI YOU BEAUTIFUL HUMAN! 😍
I’m SO grateful you took time out of the hellscape that is 2020 to join me here!
If you’re subscribed to this newsletter, you probably know me/are already sick of me, but if you somehow found this on your own, allow me to introduce myself:
I’m Jen Winston. I use she/they pronouns (which means she/her or they/them both work).
My middle name is Mae, which is truly cottagecore af.
I’m from Indiana (also cottagecore af, but slightly more upsetting considering it’s responsible for Mike Pence).
I work at a tech company, run an IG account, and still manage to identify as a “writer.”
I am a BISEXUAL and, after the last year and a half of learning about bisexuality and myself, I’m incredibly proud of that fact.
What made me proud to be bi was learning more about what bisexuality actually meant — it’s gender inclusive (now dictionary official!) with a focus on fluidity in action. For me, it’s about finding stability in a state of flux.
The Bi Monthly was originally going to be an event series (and maybe it still will — that’s a post-COVID pipe dream). But for now it’s a makeshift community newsletter, written [mostly] by me for all of you. Sometimes it will focus on current events (e.g. the elect*on), other times it will focus on high level queer theory that I need to get off my chest. 💋
And in case you don’t know what I look like, here’s me in portrait mode whispering “hey bitch” w/ my eyes:
Bi Representation: How do we do it without being boring?
Imagine a world where Charlotte clapped back. (via @patiasfantasyworld)
My partner, Brinley, and I have a debate about bi representation. Because I’m petty, I’ve chosen to bring that debate to a larger audience (y’all!) where I have the entirety of the floor. I’ll fill you in on Brinley and I’s respective arguments in a moment, but first, how bout you and me align on a few things?
The bi media landscape is dismal at best.
Most bi representation in literature happens within historical fiction, usually featuring two women forming a taboo queermance of some kind.
On TV and in movies bisexuality is often alluded to, usually by way of having a character hook up with multiple genders.
Across all media, bisexuality is rarely called out by name — here’s an Instagram carousel to prove it.
But why does that last bullet — calling it out by name — matter? For me, it matters because, growing up, I needed this WORD. I needed “bisexuality” as a piece of language; as a tool to make sense of the way I felt. I needed it to help me understand that fluidity in and of itself can be a permanent state. I needed it to escape binary thinking in all aspects of my life, sexuality only being one.
With regards to bi representation, I say that, if a character is intended to be bi, they should explicitly state that — out loud — or it doesn’t count as bi representation. Sure, less overt moments might count as queer representation, and that term is more than enough for lots of people. But for myself, and for so many other bi+ people, “queer representation” in a general sense just isn’t enough.
“I remember seeing the initial draft of the script, and that word was in there, and I got very overwhelmed and emotional. I pointed to the page and I said, ‘This word is important. We have to keep this word in. We can’t just dance around what Rosa is saying and who Rosa is.’” — Stephanie Beatriz via Vox.com
I wish I had a better, more creatively-savvy solution for explaining away bisexuality. The default approach is to show someone hooking up with people of multiple genders, but that’s got its own problems.
For starters, it sexualizes bisexuals, which is already an issue bi people already contend with. This happens with Oberyn on Game of Thrones, Annelise Keating in How To Get Away With Murder, Tony on Skins (omg I need to rewatch Skins), and so on.
I’ve always been uncomfortable to criticize this sexualization (because sex positivity, right?!) and have found myself yelling, “Get it!!!” at the TV when these hookups occur. But sexualization of bi people contributes to our own erasure because it makes bisexuality seem like a behavior rather than a whole valid identity.
Growing up, seeing TV characters hook up with people of multiple genders was far from enough to counteract my compulsory monosexism (monosexism = the idea that people should only be attracted to one gender). I saw “straight” and “gay” as the defaults, which meant I thought any of these deviating moments were “just a phase.” Thus I saw my own longings, crushes, or experiences in the same light: I assumed they were “just a phase” and told myself I was “probably straight.” It was all too easy to dismiss it away.
ICYMI, this is the exact same way bi erasure manifests IRL. And this challenge of representation extends to so many other “invisible” or fluid identity groups, such as non-binary people who don’t look androgynous or use they/them pronouns. When binary gender identity is usually assumed to be the default — if the writers don’t explicitly tell us that a character is non-binary, how else would we know?
So now for my partner’s POV. Brinley (who, for context, is a Trans Non-Binary bisexual and uses they/them pronouns) says the idea of explicitly stating the word “bisexual” in a TV show would be, and I quote, “Yaaaaaawn.”
Brinley, who has been out as a queer person much longer than me, is bored of the same old media tropes about LGBTQ+ identity. They want to live in a world where queerness is the norm. They want fluidity to be so accepted that we don’t have to have cheesy montages and/or theoretical language in the middle of an action film in order to qualify as representation.
Brinley, like many other advocates for queer representation, dreams of a world where the storylines are not always about the ‘coming out’ part of the character. But this brings up more questions: Does an overt mention of sexuality automatically make the whole storyline about “coming out?” Are we, as society, in a place where we can talk about sexual fluidity without having it be a huge to-do?
Brinley’s point is this: Equality will be when we don’t have to make queerness a plot point. Equality will be when queerness just, simply, is.
I believe Brinley is right. I really do. But while I fully endorse their vision of a queer utopian future, I still think we need to see more of the B-word to help us get there. Maybe it’s just a personal comfort thing — I need to know that bi kids (like the one I once was) are gaining the tools to comprehend their identity. I need to know that bisexuals everywhere are being reminded that we do, in fact, exist.
What do you think? What does good bi representation look like to you?
Biconic Spotlight: Blair Imani
Each issue I’ll be highlighting (bilighting?) a bi or bi plus-identifying creator you should be paying attention to. Have someone to suggest? Just reply to this email. 😘
Our first Biconic Spotlight is the legendary Blair Imani. Blair is a creator who literally does it all — she’s a historian, author, advocate, speaker, and generally amazing human.
As a Black queer Muslim, Blair notoriously came out on Tucker Carlson — this should tell you that she’s not afraid of much.
Follow Blair on Instagram and Twitter — come for the colorful outfit pics, stay for the daily education that will f*ck up your feed in the best way.
5 Links U Should Click 👅💦
*Disclaimer: Emojis above are intentionally porny. Porn may or may not be included in links.
This article about the significance of Sapphic TikTok
This TED Talk by Intersex activist and artist Emily Quinn, which totally changed the way I think about biological sex (and Intersex Awareness Day is Oct 26!)
This voting resource that will help you fine-tune your voting plan for October/November
This article about Mutual Aid, highlighting its roots as an Indigenous idea on the Hawaiian island of Molokai
This fantastic essay about gender confirmation surgery by Andrea Long Chu — it’s from 2019 and I think about it every day
Illustration by fellow bi human Taylor Steinbeck at @shegotthepink
That’s all for this issue! TYSM for reading The Bi Monthly, I love you so much! Consider becoming a subscriber TODAY if you’re not one already, as this newsletter will soon become paid (with proceeds donated).
Make haste and smash the button below, or share it with a friend!
I totally agree with Brinley's ideal vision of culture where labels and binaries are obsolete, and as a person who identifies as bisexual but cisgender, the blanket of "queer" is probably less essential to my daily survival than it is to someone like them. I work in TV, and I have noticed that particularly broadcast shows use an unnamed air of bisexuality as a way to sexualize and add dimension to (usually) attractive female characters, even if they don't name it - or a way to make bland, white, traditional main characters "interesting." However - in a cultural time when we're not even sure if gay people will still be able to get married in a year (based on the supreme court), I personally think it is essential that we we still find ways to name and codify real, textured characters' queerness or bisexuality as often as possible. It is a form of visible protest - establishing our presence in the zeitgeist, and reminding America and the world (both straight and gay/lesbian) that we exist, and deserve the love, recognition, and respect of anyone else, regardless of identity.
Wow... Thank you so much for creating this. Something that I needed in my teenage years and am grateful to have access to in my twenties. <3